Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Damn victory sex feels great
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
