Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
