You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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