If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
