I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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