Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
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Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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