Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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