He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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