90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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