I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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