Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
