ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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