all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
