This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
