Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
