That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
