Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
