I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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