i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
