Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
This girl is more easily done than said...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
