he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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