she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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