just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
