I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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