Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
