Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
false alarm. still invincible.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
