im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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