I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
