he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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