She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
