I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
