I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Welp...herpes.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
