i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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