I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
