fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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