Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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