after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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