So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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