how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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