I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
