things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize