the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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