I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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