Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
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