so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
