based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
