the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
