I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
