And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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