one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
