he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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