the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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