Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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