Already got asked if we're dating
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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