i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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