Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
