omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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