I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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