The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
