Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
