its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
