her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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