At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
