Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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