I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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