hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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