sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
