so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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