I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
